Thursday, January 21, 2010
If They Had Jewish Mothers
If famous characters throughout time had Jewish mothers... just imagine:
MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered - you didn't call, you didn't write..."
MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"A ceiling, you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"You're not hiding your report card? Show me! Take your hand out of your jacket and show me!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with that hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Okay, so I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off already and go to sleep!"
PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bedtime!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Your senior photograph and you couldn't have done something with your hair?"
MOSES'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Desert, schmesert!! Where have you really been for the last forty years?"
BILL GATES'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"It would have killed you to become a doctor?"
BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl."
Technically speaking, Albert Einstein and Moses did have Jewish mothers... so anything is possible!
[A tip o' th' yarmulke to Howard Silverstein, who found these gems on the Internet!]
MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care what you've discovered - you didn't call, you didn't write..."
MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"A ceiling, you paint? Not good enough for you the walls, like the other children? Do you know how hard it is to get that schmutz off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"You're not hiding your report card? Show me! Take your hand out of your jacket and show me!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Again with that hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Okay, so I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off already and go to sleep!"
PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is long past your bedtime!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Your senior photograph and you couldn't have done something with your hair?"
MOSES'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Desert, schmesert!! Where have you really been for the last forty years?"
BILL GATES'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"It would have killed you to become a doctor?"
BILL CLINTON'S JEWISH MOTHER:
"Well, at least she was a nice Jewish girl."
Technically speaking, Albert Einstein and Moses did have Jewish mothers... so anything is possible!
[A tip o' th' yarmulke to Howard Silverstein, who found these gems on the Internet!]
Labels: Narrischkeit
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
It's January...
...and you know what that means: February - and the Eleventh Annual Anshei Darom Regional Retreat - is just around the corner!
This year's Retreat will be held Feb 19-21, 2010 at Camp Ramah Darom (as always!) in beautiful Clayton, Georgia.
Our Scholar-in-Residence will be Rabbi David Sirull of Congregation Adas Yeshurun in Augusta, Georgia... and we will have Mark Berlin, president of the International FJMC, as our special guest. We'll have informative discussions, spirited davening, spirited spirits (hic!), and great food... and, most importantly, a chance to visit with old friends (and make new ones) from Men's Clubs throughout the region.
As far as weather is concerned, we can promise you that there will be weather. Exactly what kind, we have no idea... except to tell you that at past Retreats we've had everything from sun, rain, fog, and snow... sometimes in a single weekend!
Here are a few of the things you can expect:
1. A spirited Shabbat
2. Spirited brotherhood
3. Plenty good food
4. Lots of spirits
5. Lots of friends – old and new
6. Therapeutic and revitalizing yoga sessions
7. The eleventh appearance of the Famous Sweat Hut
8. A Jewish experience unique in the entire Jewish world
9. Cholent. Did I mention the cholent?
We'll have lots of opportunities exchange ideas with FJMC leaders and learn all about ways to inject vitality and meaningful Jewish experiences into our clubs' programs. And at the end of the day, that's what makes the whole thing work: our clubs. Make sure yours stands up and is counted!
Our featured entertainment will be...Alan Sussman Saul Sloman Us!
Our featured attendee will be... You!
[And did we mention the Famous Sweat Hut? Of course we did!]
Make plans to attend NOW! February 19-21, 2010 at Camp Ramah Darom in the beautiful North Georgia mountains, justeast of the sun, west of the moon west of Clayton.
We've held the line on expenses. This year's tariff will be $190 - same as last year. To reserve your spot, just send an e-mail to doug (dot) friedman (at) labwize (dot) org, and send a check (made out to Anshei Darom Region) to our Regional Treasurer, Joe Zendlovitz:
Joe Zendlovitz
4404 Glendale Square
Nashville, TN 37204
Don't forget to tell us the name of your Men's Club, whether you're a Kohen, Levi, or jest plain Israel, and your shirt size.
Sign up today - don't delay - and get ready for another fine Retreat!
This year's Retreat will be held Feb 19-21, 2010 at Camp Ramah Darom (as always!) in beautiful Clayton, Georgia.
Our Scholar-in-Residence will be Rabbi David Sirull of Congregation Adas Yeshurun in Augusta, Georgia... and we will have Mark Berlin, president of the International FJMC, as our special guest. We'll have informative discussions, spirited davening, spirited spirits (hic!), and great food... and, most importantly, a chance to visit with old friends (and make new ones) from Men's Clubs throughout the region.
As far as weather is concerned, we can promise you that there will be weather. Exactly what kind, we have no idea... except to tell you that at past Retreats we've had everything from sun, rain, fog, and snow... sometimes in a single weekend!
Here are a few of the things you can expect:
1. A spirited Shabbat
2. Spirited brotherhood
3. Plenty good food
4. Lots of spirits
5. Lots of friends – old and new
6. Therapeutic and revitalizing yoga sessions
7. The eleventh appearance of the Famous Sweat Hut
8. A Jewish experience unique in the entire Jewish world
9. Cholent. Did I mention the cholent?
We'll have lots of opportunities exchange ideas with FJMC leaders and learn all about ways to inject vitality and meaningful Jewish experiences into our clubs' programs. And at the end of the day, that's what makes the whole thing work: our clubs. Make sure yours stands up and is counted!
Our featured entertainment will be...
Our featured attendee will be... You!
[And did we mention the Famous Sweat Hut? Of course we did!]
Make plans to attend NOW! February 19-21, 2010 at Camp Ramah Darom in the beautiful North Georgia mountains, just
We've held the line on expenses. This year's tariff will be $190 - same as last year. To reserve your spot, just send an e-mail to doug (dot) friedman (at) labwize (dot) org, and send a check (made out to Anshei Darom Region) to our Regional Treasurer, Joe Zendlovitz:
Joe Zendlovitz
4404 Glendale Square
Nashville, TN 37204
Don't forget to tell us the name of your Men's Club, whether you're a Kohen, Levi, or jest plain Israel, and your shirt size.
Sign up today - don't delay - and get ready for another fine Retreat!
Labels: Retreat-O-Grams
