Anshei Darom News

On Saturday morning in synagogues around the world, Kiddush Club members celebrated the completion of a seven-and-a-half-month cycle of weekly drinking.

The celebration, called Siyyum Ha-Shots, was marked by the downing of various whiskeys, bourbons, ryes, rums and brandies until every bottle was empty.

"Shots in shul are a time-honored tradition," said siyyum organizer Ben Shikker. "We all know that wherever four Jews gather, there's always a fifth."

The siyyum (Hebrew for conclusion) is held every seven-and-a-half months because it takes that long for the average Kiddush Club to polish off all its liquors and begin new bottles.

Shikker concedes that pressure is now being placed on synagogues to abolish their Kiddush Clubs and the Siyyum Ha-Shots.

"It's shameful," said Shikker. "The OU is waging a whole campaign against us, called 'Now You Siyyum, Now You Don't.' But we won't be intimidated."

Shikker asserts that being part of a Kiddush Club actually improves the fervency of one’s davening.

"You can't spell spirituality without spirits," he noted.

He added that men who partake in a private kiddush during the Haftarah "shokkel more during Musaf."

Some rabbis see it differently, however.

"They shokkel because they can't stand straight after all that schnapps," said Rabbi Nofun Ahloud. "Or even worse, they desperately need the bathroom."

Despite the current protests, Shikker vows that shul Kiddush Clubs and the Siyyum Ha-Shots will continue. Furthermore, he advocates bringing the tradition into one's home.

"When my wife asks me to buy her a dozen roses, I give her three bottles of Four Roses," said Shikker. "I'm very proud of that."

[Shamelessly ripped off from an Internet e-mail. As I learned from a gracious commenter, the "Siyyum Ha-Shots" article was written by one Meish Goldish and came from The Jewish Week, which published it as part of its Purim Spoof. Good one, Meish!]

Remember how in the movie Dances with Wolves, the Kevin Costner character got his name because that's what he was doing when it came time to select his Indian Native American name?

I guess he's lucky he wasn't called "Wipes with Leaves."

As Jews, we have Hebrew names that include our name and our father's name. But what if we used Native American naming conventions? Submitted for your approval, here are some

INDIAN NAMES FOR CERTAIN JEWISH INDIVIDUALS

Actually Likes Manischewitz

Brags About Children

Cheats At Dreidel

Complains About Rabbi

Drinks Schnapps At Oneg

Drives Mercedes, Feels Guilty

Drives Volkswagen, Feels Guilty And Inadequate

Eats Cholent And Is Unconcerned About The Consequences

First To Finish Shemoneh Esrei

Hides Christmas Tree When Rabbi Visits

Ignores Tropp

Keeps Kosher At Home But Eats Treyf Out

Makes Kissy Faces At Wife From Bimah

Misses Entire Point Of Sermon

Orders In Pizza During Chol Hamoed Pesach

Pretends To Be Reading Hebrew But Is Really Using The Transliteration

Prides Self On S'micha Purchased From Sears Roebuck Catalog

Shuckles While Davening

Sits In Back of Shul

Slobbers On Tzitzit While Kissing Them

Speaks Broken Yiddish

Still Goes To Catskills

Takes Very Seriously The Admonition To Get Drunk At Purim

Talks During Kedushah

Tangles Tefillin

Tells Lengthy And Yet Unfunny Jokes, Frequently In Ungrammatical Yiddish

Thinks He Is On Broadway When He Really Is In Shul

Trips On Tallis

Vacations In Miami

Wears Dime-Sized Kipah

[Can you think of any others? If so, leave 'em in the Comments.]

Fog over the lake at Ramah.


Fine lodging facilities.

We even had flush toilets! Now all we need to get is a noise suppression system to handle those snorers. (Probably about as easy as handling schnorrers.)


'Round the campfire.

Steve Krodman, Dennis Renyi, Steve Stone, and Sid Milstein enjoy the campfire and try to decide whether to brave the Famous Sweat Hut.


The Needle-Elkan clan.

Top row: Josh and Ben Needle, Scott and Mark Elkan.
Bottom row: Mark and Hank Needle.

Two generations - and machateinim, besides!


Irwin Weitz enjoys a 'gar.

Thanks to Jeff Eagle for these fine photographs, of which we have elected not to publish some of the less-savory...

More pictures to come, so stay tuned to Anshei Darom News!